i missed my letters.

In fact, I missed a lot of things, a lot of people. I missed you. I know. I think it's about time I stopped running. There are still a lot of strands of tangled yarn that I cannot see the two ends of, I don't think those things will ever untangle by themselves. There's no pressing concern to untangle anyway, it is just for, when I have the time or when I finally have time to think about someone else other than myself.

It's not even raining. There's no music playing. Or a picture of you near me. But I miss you.

And it is nice to remember again. To live, I think that is the phrase I was aiming for. There is no standard prerequisite for that. It is easier with the warm fuzzy feelings, I know, but as I said there is no standard prerequisite.

Just breath. And that is not even a trick, it is just something that you do when you are alive.

I don't know if the Thaw of Terisiare would be a good analogy for this, but I think it is near it. Everything would not be less painful after this, in fact, I feel everything is going to make itself feel known after this; and with pain being associated with a good working nervous system, I am going to have a blast with it. Blood flowing through your veins after you were out in the cold for too long will in fact hurt. It is only a reassurance that you still live.

I am going to miss you forever now.

my mind has to stop running eventually.

I have to feel again. There are more than enough reasons against it and perhaps I wouldn't run out of reasons; if I think about it hard enough that I could go on indefinitely, without worrying about running out of gas. And that the more I think about it, I think I could stop the inevitable. the inevitability of emotions. Even if I wasn't built that way.  It's just that, I know, this isn't living. Or even a semblance of it.

This is only a continuum.

There is no irony that it rhymes with vacuum. I have to stop running, even if I know there is nothing to go back to anymore. Yes, I have to stop. There is a need to live again. In the meantime, I'll just run for a little bit more.